


Scaramouche, Scarmouche, Can you do do the Fandango?

by NaughtyPastryChef



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: But this is stupidly funny, Crack, Gen, Jim is a child, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, You have to picture it in your head, mckirk - Freeform, visual gags described
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 23:23:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1706318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyPastryChef/pseuds/NaughtyPastryChef
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is bored, again, and has a brilliant idea. Welcome to the rockin Starship Enterprise!!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scaramouche, Scarmouche, Can you do do the Fandango?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WeWillSpockYou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/gifts).



Unexplored space left Jim with too much time to think. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue but on this particular day, Jim also had an earworm-and an idea.  The song that was stuck in his head was one of the best songs ever written, on Earth anyway, and he’d heard that everyone knew this particular song. So, he decided, it was time to test his theory and put the knowledge of his crew to the test.

He began to sing softly as he sat in the Captain’s chair; just loud enough to find out if anyone was paying attention.

_Is this the real life_

_Is this just fantasy_

_Caught in a landslide_

He trailed off surreptitiously glancing around to see if anyone noticed or if he needed to get louder already. The song grew naturally in volume but-his thought was cut off by Sulu, bless him.

_No escape from reality_

_Open your eyes_

_Look up to the skies and see_

Sulu’s voice rang out and Jim couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he joined back in-the harmony sounding nearly perfect to his ears.

_I’m just a poor boy_

_I need no sympathy_

_Because I’m_

Uhura’s perfect singing voice chimed in to join and Jim spun in his chair to nod at her in approval.  She rolled her eyes, but never stopped singing.

_Easy come, easy go_

_Little high, little low_

Sulu and Uhura traded off the high low and Jim waited until after to join back in on the harmony.

_Anyway the wind blows_

_Doesn’t really matter_

_To me, to me_

Jim slyly pressed the ship wide intercom button as he, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov sang together.

Down in Medbay, Bones was tapping his foot, keeping time with the song as he sang under his breath.

_Mama, just killed a man_

_Put a gun against his head_

_Pulled my trigger now he’s dead_

Christine, after peeking around the corner to confirm that her boss _WAS_ in fact whom she heard singing, shrugged at M’Benga as they too joined in, adding their voices to the grumpy doctors’.

_MAMA, life had just begun_

_But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away_

In the science wing Carol Marcus felt a smile bloom over her pretty face for the first time in days when she heard the captain singing. With a quick chat to the ships’ computer and some nimble fingers, the music to accompany the song was booming out of all the speakers alongside all the voices.  She raised her voice alongside the bridge crew.

_MAMA, ooohhh_

_Didn’t mean to make you cry_

_If I’m not back again this time tomorrow_

_Carry on, carry on_

_As if nothing really matters_

Down in security, Heindorff was bopping his head in time with the music as his fellow officers and the newbies looked on in shock.

“What? It’s a _CLASSIC_ ; you got a problem with Queen?”  His probeys shook their heads as he glared the down before picking up at the next line.

_Too late, my time has come_

_Sent shivers down my spine_

_Body’s achin all the time_

_Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go_

_Gotta leave it all behind and face the truth_

”C’mon ladies! I know that each one of you knows this song! Step it up and join in! Think of it as a team building exercise!” Each one of the probeys and officers began to harmonize under Heindorff’s watchful eye.

_MAMA, Oooo (anyway the wind blows)_

_I don’t wanna die_

_I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all_

In engineering, there was a party.  Scotty and Gaila led the group that was singing boisterously as they drank Scotty’s homebrew in makeshift cups. Keenser and Ensign McDevitt were looking a little worse for wear and, before the good part in the song came up, Scotty paused to hold out a tiny cup to the two of them.

“If ye gotta spew, spew into this.” McDevitt and Keenser looked at him, each other and then the cup before McDevitt grabbed for it and held it close. “Good lads.” Scotty cooed before rejoining the lovely Gaila on their makeshift stage.

_I see a little silhouetto of a man_

_Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango_

_Thunderbolt and lightning_

_Very, very frightening me_

_(Galileo) Galileo_

_(Galileo) Galileo_

_Galileo Figaro_

_Magnifico_

In Medbay, Inventory had been discarded in favor of Chris and Geoff helping Bones sing and dance.  The three of them were surrounding the bed of a badly injured Andorian Ensign who’d not been responding to any kind of treatments to pull her out of the coma she’d been in for some time. She’d been non-responsive for a week, and they were despairing of reaching her. However, she was watching them sing and dance with a smile on her face.

_Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?_

_Bismillah! No, we will not let you go! (let him go)_

_Bismillah! No, we will not let you go! (let him go)_

_Bismillah! No, we will not let you go! (let me go)_

_Will not let you go! (Let me go!)_

_Never,never let you go_

_Never let me go, oh_

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no_

_Oh, mama mia, mama mia (mama mia, let me go)_

_Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me_

No one on the bridge was still in their seats.  Well, Jim was standing on his chair, holding a piece of equipment that looked vaguely like a microphone as he continued to sing. Sulu and Chekov were playing air guitar by the viewscreen, looking very in synch with each other.  Uhura was dancing by the door, swinging her long pony tail all over the place as the song came to a crescendo

_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye_

_So you think you can love me and leave me to die_

_Oh, baby, can’t do this to me baby_

_Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here_

_Oh yeah, Oh yeah_

The doors to the bridge opened to show Gaila, Scotty, Bones, Geoff, Christine, Heindorff, and Carol bounding out of the open doors, still in mid-song.  They yanked Jim down from his perch and waved Sulu and Chekov over towards them. This song deserved to be finished as a group.

_Nothing really matters_

_Anyone can see_

_Nothing really matters,_

_Nothing really matters to me_

_Anyway the wind blows_

The music and voices trailed away into silence. The entire crew was exhilarated, pumped and smiling, sweaty and satisfied by the impromptu sing-along initiated by the captain. Except for one man. One man who stood stock still on the bridge and tried to process the most illogical display he’d ever seen in his life.  He took in the smiling happy faces of his fellow crew-members; his friends and made a most illogical decision.

“Bravo. Encore.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this. Wewillspockyou and I were discussing music to load onto her ipod for her upcoming road trip to see me and this little flash of idiocy just popped right into my head.  
> Love and hugs to readithoney for looking it over and telling me that it wasn't too stupid to post.


End file.
